Let's Catch Up

I’ve gone six months without posting.

We’re halfway through 2025, and a lot has changed.  If you have a moment, and care to catch up, grab a coffee, tea, or heck even a Moon Juice (if you remember what that is), and maybe a box of tissues. I’d love to let you in on why I’ve been MIA, and what’s in store for an optimistic return. 

Quick disclaimer:

“The man dying next door does not negate the fact that your broken, bleeding arm needs tending.”

Real quick: I know there are a million things going on in the world right now.  

Everyone’s going/gone through something, and I don’t share any of the following to put my life’s trials up against anything else. Rather, I just wish to share it for what it is.  So often we perceive creators or performers as they inspire us or make us happy; they share positive, joyous parts of their life so we assume “Only good things happen to them, they must not have a care in the world!”

I’ve had it happen to me–I share a couple of story posts on Instagram and people are like “oh I saw your stories, everything must be wonderful!” and it’s like…uh, actually, I just felt like sharing one happy thing that happened this week, truth is I've been dealing with a lot.  I know people mean well, and sure, I also have a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that even though you're doing okay, it hasn't been a path of roses. You never really know what people are dealing with behind the scenes (I know that’s so cliche but people so quickly seem to forget, so it needs to be said).  But also, you won’t know unless I tell you so here we go. 

trigger warning: Pet Loss

“You know goodbye ain’t forever” -Charlie, All Dogs Go to Heaven

The first thing you should know is that Rosco passed, back in January.  

For anyone who didn’t know, Rosco Hurley was my beloved Yorkie, and first pet-of-my-own as a young adult. He re-homed with me at 5 ½ months old, and was my darling companion for almost 17 years.

He’s traveled the country with me, walked beaches on both coasts, hiked with my husband and I in the Rockies, and even visited the Grand Canyon.  He was there through all of life’s ups and downs–serving as a reminder to refocus when I was feeling lost, and to have gratitude for even the smallest of things (and at 5lbs, he knew a thing or two about being small and also deeply appreciated).  

In some ways, Rosco was the only true constant in my life for all those years.  And now he’s gone. 

About a week before his 17th birthday, Rosco stopped eating.  To know this dog is to know that he never missed a meal, so naturally this was concerning. After 24 hours of him refusing to eat, we brought Rosco to his vet and they suggested emergency overnight care and further testing. 

Three more anxiety-inducing days later, with Rosco in and out of pet hospitals under specialists’ care, we were told we had to say goodbye.  They said things weren’t looking good, and that he just wasn’t going to get better, especially at his age. While Rosco did have some mild, age related changes to his heart and kidneys, no one could seem to pinpoint a conclusive diagnosis causing his rapid decline into this critical state.  The poor little guy just wouldn’t eat or drink, and his platelet count was rising inexplicably, putting him at high risk for blood clots.  

Rosco's platelet levels became so critical, that the last vet I spoke with feared he wouldn’t make it through the next 24 hours without sustaining an aneurysm, pulmonary embolism etc.  His hind legs had become lame and non weight-bearing suddenly overnight; the vet warned us he may already be throwing clots to his back, and that they could be putting pressure on the nerves in his spine. His overall condition worsened so rapidly, that we weren't even permitted to discharge Rosco from the hospital without a same day home hospice appointment in place.

As you can imagine, this wrecked me. 

Sure, Rosco was elderly, as far as dogs go.  It was “to be expected” to a degree. He was lucky to even have been this healthy and lived this long.  But when he started to decline, he went down fast.  If you’ve been through it, you know nothing really ever prepares you for that, especially after 17 years. 

We were lucky enough to get a home hospice appointment for that same afternoon.  I say lucky because it certainly beat the alternative. I say "home hospice" and what I mean, is end of life care.

My husband and I discharged Rosco from the pet hospital, and spent a couple of hours at home together–bathed him, cuddled him, dressed him in his favorite sweater.  Our 3 year-old Klee Kai, Willow, looked on with confusion and patience--how come her older brother was getting all the attention?!

We tried one last attempt to get him to eat and drink.  He licked at some peanut butter and lapped a bit of water, but only as if to please us–not because he really wanted to.  He looked tired, frail, and ready. 

I had no appetite to speak of either, but I wanted to drink in every last precious moment we had with our sweet boy. We looked at pictures together and took turns holding Rosco on the couch, rocking him to some of our favorite music, and sharing treasured memories of him across the years and our many adventures. 

When the time came to say goodbye, Rosco had already fallen asleep in my lap, making the transition quite seamless.  I tried so hard to be strong for him.  They say dogs can sense everything their human is feeling.  I think in some way he was trying to be strong for us too; I felt a strange sense of calm come over me internally, despite my external and involuntary sobbing.  Like a confirmation that we were doing the right thing, despite how impossible it felt in the moment.

We made a paw print, took a lock of his hair, and the hospice vet took him away, swaddled in this precious little basket.  Rosco looked like a little doll, resting up whilst being toted off to his next adventure.  After almost a week of restlessness and uncertainty, he seemed, at least, at peace. 

In hindsight, I know in my heart of hearts it was his time.  Rosco’s refusal to eat was his way of saying “I’m going out on my terms.  I’m old, I’m tired, and I’m ready.”  I respect it.  I’ve made peace with it.  But damn, it’s hard.

And, at least it was peaceful--at least we got to say goodbye.  I know not everyone does, so for that I’m grateful. 

It was my first time experiencing this, and I know I’m not alone in that.  I know a lot of you have lost pets over the recent years, and my heart goes out to you.  As pet owners, we have an awareness of the fact that we are most likely going to outlive our chosen companions.  That doesn’t make the separation you experience when their time comes any easier.   

Rosco, this little furball of love and joy, was an enmeshed part of my world for 17 years.  I’ve lived, like, five different lives in that time it seems. And now I’m just supposed to…carry on without him?  Have this existence that doesn’t include him now?  

Wild.

I’m honestly still trying to fathom it. 

If you’ve lost a pet, or honestly anyone you’re close with, I think this will also resonate: the real bitch of it all isn’t even in the initial goodbye.  It’s in the following days and weeks (or longer), as you find their things around the house unexpectedly, that gets you. You go to call for them–because it’s such an integral part of your routine, and you forget for a moment...and they don’t come running. (I found myself losing it over a piece of scrambled egg I had dropped it on the floor--particularly when it wasn’t immediately lapped up by an eager little gremlin, who usually lingered at my feet by the stove).  

And then it’s every other "first" you experience that feels…bizarre.  You think you’re totally fine and then suddenly–it’s your parents’ first time visiting without him there to greet everyone as they arrive.  It’s your first time out on the water, and the tiny life vest sits empty on the bench–right where you left it last year.  It’s the slew of firsts regarding this holiday or that anniversary without their presence, which leads to an open wound all over again just as the scab was starting to form. (Recently, we experienced all three of these things in the same week). 

Losing Rosco meant saying goodbye to a specific chapter in my life.  A piece of me that will always be unique to him. It put a lot of things in perspective for me and for that I’m grateful. Like I said in the beginning, he’s always been a harbinger of focus and gratitude.  And so, it was fitting that as a parting gift, he gave me a good dose of perspective to start the year.

Thus: please, pardon my abrupt and prolonged absence from the internet, I’ve missed you all.  But I’ve sort of needed a minute.  To grieve, to reflect and process. 

Bottom line: I wanted to take some space so I could be honest with you without falling apart again.  Every time I try to revisit this draft, I break down. At some point, I just have to get it out there so I can move on.  There is just something heavy about sharing news like this with 150K followers over multiple platforms that is incredibly sobering and painful.  There’s an eerie finality to it that makes it real on another level. It’s kept me stuck and spinning in place for a while, ngl. 

I feel like there are three options when you’re a content creator or public figure going through really hard stuff.  One, you can smile through it and pretend like everything’s fine, even if it feels fake. Two, you can crash out and be an open, bleeding heart on camera in real time. Or three, you can take the space you need, gather strength, acknowledge what’s going on when you’re ready-- then move forward accordingly.  As a Virgo sun and Capricorn rising, the latter is just my personal preference.

And there you go, we’ve acknowledged the toughest stuff–maybe even had a little cry together at this point.  That’s good.  Maybe we needed it.  

(I also just wanted to mention that Willow, my Klee Kai, is coping very well.  She was present for Rosco's passing and had a brief, mild adjustment period.  Now, she is carrying on just fine.  I’m so grateful for her, I can’t express that enough.  We celebrated her 4th birthday in May and are looking forward to including her in content as per usual–so, you’ll see her soon.)

“You know, when it’s time to go.” -  Taylor Swift, It’s Time To Go

Another major change this year: I have decided to step back from any Taylor Swift related tribute work, content, etc.

As many of you know, I had a unique opportunity to perform an Eras Tour inspired Tribute to Taylor show at a theme park last year.  It was amazing connecting with so many of you through this, and I appreciate all of your support, kind words online etc.  Meeting so many of you at the shows was an incredible experience I cherish deeply. 

However, you may have noticed at this point that I am not returning for the 2025 summer season.  The truth is I just don’t have the availability this summer that I did last year–and even if I did, my heart just isn’t in it right now. 

In addition to losing Rosco earlier this year, I have a few other very important reasons as to why I couldn't return.  The biggest reason for this being that I have a few aging family members with health troubles that need much more of my time and attention than last year.  This was not a decision I made lightly, things are just too touch-and-go for the foreseeable future, and the level of focus you need to perform at that capacity…I just don’t have it in me at the moment. 

Especially after suffering a loss already this year. 

I just need the flexibility that comes with other projects while I navigate things and tend to my family. I put a lot on hold last year to bring the best show I could. I would never want to commit to something as intense as a theme park residency and not be able to show up for everyone the way I did last summer, so I have graciously stepped away on my own accord.  

However, I do have great news!! For those who were hopeful for a Tribute to Taylor reprise this summer, I can say that is happening, just with a new performer!  Over the past few months, I have had the opportunity to get to know Olivia, a beautiful and talented Taylor Swift look alike coming all the way to New England from Australia! She’s bringing with her a fresh new take on last year's show, and I hope you will join me in welcoming her with open arms.  I've done my best to offer mentorship and guidance as she steps into the sparkly knee-high boots, and I'm truly grateful to be passing the torch, or in this case *mic! I can’t wait to see what’s in store, I just know you're in for a treat.

I don’t have any personal involvement or affiliation with the park or production team this year, so for any further inquiries or information you’ll have to consult the official website or socials for those respective entities! 

Again–I can’t emphasize enough how proud I am of last year’s show, or how grateful I am to all of you for your support throughout my run.  Performing last year felt like a pinnacle, and I’m very content to end it on a high note (pun intended).  It felt amazing to give that experience to park goers–especially those who couldn’t make it to the Eras Tour and needed that kind of outlet.  

Alas, as I mentioned, it’s time for me to focus where I’m needed most now–my family and my writing.  So I hope you understand the reasoning behind my decision.  I also hope you can go and support my friend, Olivia! 

Regarding social media/online content: please stay tuned for what awaits Juniper’s Castle as we journey further into the realm of Merinthaea and other fantasy related fodder together!

“You're saying that humans need fantasies to make life bearable?”

“No. Humans need fantasy to be human.” - Terry Pratchett, Hogfather 

I’ve wanted to be a fantasy author since I was probably seven. 

When I was little, I had this big pad of paper where you could draw pictures up top and write stories about them in the lined section below.  I would spend hours doing this when I had the free time.  Then, I’d dress up, go outside to the woods, and bring them to life amongst the trees. 

Well, I’m much older now, and my process has changed a little bit, but I’m more committed than ever to making that dream come true. 

For those who don’t know, I am a writer with a big ambition–I am working on a high fantasy trilogy, set in a world all my own.  “Juniper’s Castle” my username on all platforms, is a working title for this project I started musing about back in 2021.  The name suited my cosplay accounts on social platforms as an umbrella term for the concept of “welcome to my space with all things weird and whimsical.”  Perfect for someone who likes to explore content creation within a fantasy niche home base.  However, Juniper is the heroine of my series-in-progress, and sharing her story is vying hard for my attention as of late. It’s time for her to shine. 

I am excited to get back to what I feel I do best–creative fantasy content, cosplay, and commentary.  

I’ve been writing a lot in my time away from social media–both for my blog and for the book(s).  I’m looking forward to sharing more about my journey to publishing a fantasy series, life as a writer/fantasy content creator, and some other fun bits and bobs in there as well.  

True confession: I must admit I find getting back online fully a bit daunting.  Firstly, there’s the fact that I’ve been away for months, and it can be so intimidating to get back on the proverbial horse. 

I'm aware that a lot of people gained interest in my social media accounts via the Taylor Swift Tribute work.  I can imagine there are some expectations there of how I might/should look, or what kind of content might be expected, etc given my summer gig last year.  However, I'd like to think I’ve been pretty straightforward about the fact that on my socials, I prefer to “be myself” and create fantasy content. Yet it still feels like I’m running the risk of letting people down for choosing to forge my own path as I move forward. I just strongly feel that in order for me and my work to thrive, it deserves my full creative attention. 

All in all I’ve been a little shy about just jumping back into things.  It’s easy to expect attention when you’re emulating a world renowned pop sensation–it’s much harder to be totally vulnerable as yourself.  I suppose that’s why we cosplayers enjoy working with character personas so much--there's a degree of separation in it that breeds comfort when putting yourself out there in a very public space with high visibility.  And while I want to continue to bring Juniper to life, I also would love to share more through content about my own whimsical lifestyle as well.

So, yeah.  Lots going on, lots to share.  I have so many sounds and ideas saved for videos I don’t know where to start. (I’ve been tucking away nuggets of concepts for content, and trying not to get whiplash as I dodge AI nonsense and keep up with whether or not TikTok is getting banned). 

I will say though, I’m feeling quite inspired.  Inspired with a dash of imposter syndrome and a sprinkle of what-the-hell-am-I-even-doing, but here we go.  I’m so grateful to everyone for sticking around after my absence.  I hope you’re keen for all that awaits. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time. 

We’re halfway through 2025 and a lot has changed, but my appreciation for this community remains as steadfast and hearty as ever.  

All my best, 

June